Local works to start post-adoption support system

Here is a news article written about one of Addy's Hope board members Kathy Hagler ...

By Kathleen ThurberStaff Writer

Published: Monday, September 14, 2009 11:31 PM CDT

When Kathy Hagler adopted her son from the foster care system, she assumed he’d simply be grateful to have a home.As she soon realized, though, the issues that can come with adopted children make it so that idyllic concept of parenthood sometimes is erased quickly. For Hagler, she said, her rosy picture was replaced with a sense of loneliness as she tried to handle social, emotional and behavioral issues she’d never expected to encounter.“He was angry and he took all that anger out on me,” she said. “I was completely surprised and shocked and upset. I really had to come to grips that this wasn’t about me.”Dealing with these issues, Hagler said, can be particularly challenging for adoptive parents who see problems other parents don’t and often don’t have a support system to lean on when they’re near the breaking point.“As a parent it’s very, very depleting to raise these kids,” she said. “Sometimes, not always.”Now the mother of two adopted children, Hagler is working to forge a network of support for others. The group’s first meeting will be held at 7 p.m. today and is meant to provide assistance during the post-adoption years.Today’s meeting will be mostly a “get-to-know-you” session, Hagler said, as parents will become acquainted with one another and talk about when it works best to meet in the future.Once established, Hagler said, the group will meet monthly to hear a speaker that addresses issues they deal with and then will have time to share stories among each other.Childcare supervised by adults always will be provided and family outings may be planned in the future, she said.A resource library also will be established.Part of learning to handle the unique issues of adopted children, Hagler said, comes from understanding why they arise.“What do you do when they’re hoarding food in their room?” she said. “Most kids don’t do that.”But, she said, as she learned behaviors like that stem from a fragile sense of security and low self-esteem, she was better able to cope and commit to dealing with them.“You have to be committed. You have to go into it fully committed to parenting this child regardless of what they do,” she said.Centers for Children and Families Post Adoptive case worker Sally Flores said many adoptive parents don’t have support systems and don’t realize their child exhibits unusual behaviors until they’re a few years old. When they come to her, she said, they learn aggressive behaviors are normal for kids who were abused or molested at young ages.Parents of internationally adopted children, children adopted through private agencies, state agencies or any other method are welcome, she said.“These parents especially who has gone overseas have no idea what they’re getting into,” Flores said, adding they’re often the ones who don’t know other adoptive parents to ask questions of and are surprised when their babies grow and exhibit actions their other children never did.The hope is parents who struggle with similar things — whether trying to maintain a child’s cultural heritage while raising them in America, trying to raise them after they’ve been abused by their birth parents or any other issue — will become connected and have someone to call when they need help or need to talk.The group is being started as part of the National Association for the Council on Adaptable Children and Texas’ Council on Adaptable Children, which has been working to establish local groups like this one throughout Texas. Funds for childcare that will be provided as well as other costs comes from the national organization.“If I can help one parent to hang in there and stick with their kids so these kids don’t have to be given up on yet again,” Hagler said, explaining why she took on the project.Read more: http://www.mywesttexas.com/articles/2009/09/15/news/top_stories/doc4aaf1310042ca502910837.txt#ixzz0Rlstbk6U